he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
