Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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