Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
