apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
