Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
