please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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