Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
