apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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