So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
