So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
