How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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