cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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