yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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