My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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