you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
