he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
