I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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