I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
