It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
