He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
