just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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