It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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