So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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