Can Purell be used as lube?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
