Betty ford says i'm here all night
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
