Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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