sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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