all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
