she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
