dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
