when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We were destined to go to rehab together
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Randomize
