about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
