Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
