Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
