Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
