U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
