I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
