I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
