What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
