Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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