You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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