South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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