Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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