last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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