i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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