Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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