This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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