he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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