Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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