omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i dont even know how to be here
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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