So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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