I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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