the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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