Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
