I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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