next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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