Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My penis needs a shock collar
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
