I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
