I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
