why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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