he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
