If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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