high people should be assigned attendants
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
