Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
