Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
