Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
