There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
