So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So vagazzling was a success
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
