But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
