...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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