It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
