And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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