I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
