Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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