I didn't shave. On purpose
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
