put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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