I got chris browned last night
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pants are for mortals
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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