you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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