I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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