Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
