he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
