I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Drake has all the answers
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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