We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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