Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
