call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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