Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
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I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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