I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
