Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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