id be glad to
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
