I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
