OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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