Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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